My Life in a Nutshell

      My childhood was a very eventful one.  At the age of 4 I was diagnosed with ALL (Acute lymphoblastic leukemia). It was during this time that God changed my mom's life. I saw this change in her. The peace and strength that she had. She would talk about God and I believed there was a God but didn't have a relationship with Him at this time. I even called myself a christian but didn't pray, or have a desire to read His word. I continued to have treatment for my cancer until I was put into remission the month I turned 8!!! What I remember most about having cancer and the treatments was being hungry all the time ( I LOVED taco bell hard tacos :), thousands of blood tests ( I told my mom that one day when I grew up I wanted to be the person who draws blood because I wanted to poke all these people who were poking me :), having to go in for spinal taps( I remember the size of the needle and having to role in a ball and stay very still), a few of the nurses I would see so often, my wonderful doctor, my mom having to crush my meds and put them in ice cream ( I still remember the taste :) because I couldn't swallow pills yet, having to be hospitalized when I got the chicken pox, and the day I came home from a treatment (still a little out if it) and learned to ride a 2 wheeler bike. 

     My parents separated sometime after I was 5. We lived with my aunt for a time. At the age of 8 my mom met my step dad. When I was 9 years old my dad died from substance abuse. This was when I began to question God and to really look to other people and my peers for comfort, peace and approval. Having people like me began to over take my life. I thought that if  I was a "good person", God and others would like me. But in my heart I was far from good. I grew very good at lying to my parents and covering up my sins.

    In 5th grade my mom decided to homeschool my brother and I because she noticed my focus was on boys and people rather than my school subjects. At the time we began attending a Reformed Baptist Church . The 1st sermon I heard I thought I had stepped into the scene from the Polyanna movie. There were 30 min prayers, 2 hr sermons and all the ladies wore dresses :) So I would wear a dress on Sunday to fit in at church and then pants the rest of the week to fit in with everyone else. Just like my heart.... I only wanted to put on a good show.

At 13 God allowed my deceit to be brought out and my mom began to question my salvation. She shared verses with me about how when God saves you your life will bear fruit. God began to open my eyes to the true state of my soul..... I was a sinner and my good works meant nothing when my heart was far from Him. Then I heard a sermon on Mat 7:21-23 Where the pharisees are talking with Jesus and asking Him about heaven. " Not everyone who says to Me. "Lord, Lord shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven. Many will say to Me in that day, "Lord, Lord" have we not prophesied in your name, cast out demons in your name, and done many wonders in Your name? And I will declare to them, "I never knew you; depart from Me you who practice lawlessness.""

God showed me that the outside of the cup of my life was clean but the inside was full of pride, selfishness, anger, and deceit. Praise be to God that he didn't leave me in that state. God showed me that He only can make me clean inside and out. It was nothing I could or couldn't do. He opened my eyes to see my lies and my sin. Now I trust in Christ alone and what He did on the cross for me a sinner. I am still speechless when I think that He loves me and knew me before the creation of the world..... while I was still a sinner!!!

The most immediate result of this change that God did was that my desire to please others was replaced with a desire to please my Father in heaven. My friendships changed. Right away my faith was put to the test as I told my friends about my change of heart they rejected me. But now my sufficiency was in Christ. I still struggle with sin but now I have the strength to overcome through Christ!!! At this time we began going to a wonderful church called CBC

      My teenage years I was driven at school and graduated with my high school diploma and AA degree at the same time! In 2001 I was doing a survey for my English class in a chat room. One thing led to another and I began talking to this guy who lived not only across the country but in another country... in Canada!!! That following summer his whole family flew out to meet mine. The rest of the year was filled with many plane trips back and forth! In April Mat showed up on my door step one morning ring in hand ... I was shocked and said "YES!!" We planned our wedding for May the following year... As our wedding day approached my dear fiance was busy finishing up his last year at university, working and still living in Canada! We had planned our wedding at a family members condo complex in Lake Tahoe.     

     My mom, sister, Grandma, my cousin and I went up about 4 days early to prepare and get everything decorated, make bouquets, make a lot of the food and we even went to the airport to pick up his aunt and grandma. Then 2 days before at 4:00am I received a phone call that would stop my world.... 

     Mat had bought a one way ticket, we had filed for a fiance visa back in Sept but as of yet we hadn't heard anything ( it was only supposed to take 90days from the file date)... when it came time to go through customs my dear fiance told them all excited yes I am going to California.. I am getting married in 2 days!!! Well they pulled him into one of those little rooms, interrogated him, ripped up his ticket and said  " OH NO YOUR NOT!"

    We had to give away all our food, flowers, cake, and lost most of the money from our honeymoon. I drove home in a state of shock with my wedding dress hanging in the backseat. I called INS daily and maybe even hourly for the next few days, weeks, and months.. Come to find out our file was just sitting on a desk somewhere. Every time they would say it should only be a few weeks.. so we would send out a letter telling our guests of tentative dates... We ended up sending 5 of THOSE!!!

     In July I flew back to Canada and there I waited until we finally were able to go to Montreal to pick up the Visa which was in Sept... We then packed up Mat's Honda Civic and drove across the country. We only stopped and slept 2 night and drove straight through (that is another story in itself :)

     We finally made it 4 days later and right while we were turning the corner to my parents house the wheels literally fell off the car.. we didn't care.... we were now home. 

     A wedding was planned in a month, so many people pulled together to help and made that day one of the best days of my life!!! God did work all those thing together for our good and His glory!!!

      Because of my cancer I was told that I probably wouldn't be able to have kids. But 4 short months after being married I got really sick and my mom said hey you might be prego... I thought NO WAY.... but guess what... there were 2 pink lines!!! Now God has blessed us with 3 wonderful, amazing kids!

      When I look back and see all that God has done in my life it makes me look forward with anticipation in what He will do with the rest of my life. I want to run the rest of my life looking unto HIM!